Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
