"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Randomize
