i was rollin on her like bob the builder
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Randomize
