i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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