if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
