The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
