I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Randomize
