He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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