is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
