I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
