u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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