never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Randomize
