tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
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