I want to walk on stilts...naked
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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