So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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