I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
