White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
