My sheets look like a crime scene.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Randomize
