Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
