dude i'm inner monologue high
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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