how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I am one with the molecules
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
