I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Randomize
