I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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