What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
two words: eviction party
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
Randomize
