Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Randomize
