he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Randomize
