Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Please don't give away my fajitas
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