would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
