I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Randomize
