Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
Randomize
