Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
