i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
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