She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
