I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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