Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
I'm really busy with my period
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