she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
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