there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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