THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Randomize
