I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
