We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Randomize
