he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Randomize
