So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
