apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
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