either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Randomize