Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
