ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Randomize
