found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
