if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
