Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
