My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
