It's Friday. Sex?
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
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