all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
