using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Randomize
