Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
As shirtless as possible
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
