just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
