I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
