Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Randomize
