That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Randomize
