You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Randomize
