Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
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