I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
