no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
Randomize
