there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Randomize
