It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Randomize
