Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
