Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
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