I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Randomize
