If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
