I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Randomize
