I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I got inside last night via doggy door
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
Randomize